North Australian FISH FINDER TM forums

I got this new deodorant today.

The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.

Schools in Detroit are finally starting to teach practical math that these kids can use in real-world situations!


NAME____________________

GANG/CREW NAME______________

CRIB_________________


1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 30-round clip. He usually misses 6 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive- by shootin. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive- by before he gotta reload?

2. Leroy has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his poop?

3. Dwayne pimps 3 ho's. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne's $800 per day Crack habit?

4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?

5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4's, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother's bail?

6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?

7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. Cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?

8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?

9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week and a cost of $5 per rat. If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week's income?

10. Marvin steals Juan's skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum piece. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

“Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says.

A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”


The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could
become, asked the girl to describe the incident..


'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we
knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'


'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.



'It sure was,' said the little girl.



'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF," but
before she could say 'frig Off!,' the Rottweiler ate her!

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE





Julia Gillard was seated next to a little girl on an aeroplane
leaving from Sydney . She turned to her and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a
conversation with your fellow passengers.'





The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said
to Gillard, 'What would you like to talk about?'





'Oh, I don't know,' said Julia. 'How about global warming or health care',
and she smiles smugly.





OK, ' the girl said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a
kangaroo all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a kangaroo excretes little
pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and
a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'





The PM, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
The little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global
warming or health care when you don't know poop?'

Man said to wife "Alright you sexy thing, bedroom now."

She looked at him and said, "Ooh, you kinky bastard."

He said, "No, seriously, the footy's about to start, fcuk off!"

On holidays in India recently, I saw a sign that said : English speaking Taxi driver.



I thought, what a good idea, why don’t we have them in our frigging country?

A mortician was working late one night.
> He examined the body of Mr. Bob, about to be cremated, and made a
> startling discovery. Bob had the largest private part he had ever
> seen! I'm sorry Mr. Bob,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow
> you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.
> It must be saved for posterity.'
> So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.
> 'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
> opening his briefcase.
> 'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Bob is dead!

I was sucking off my new thai bride last night when I thought " Hang on a minute......"

SON OF A BITCH FISH!

The parish priest went on a fishing trip.

On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!"

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!"

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is - a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Really? Well then, help me land this Son of a Bitch!"

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.

"Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen."

"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?"

"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as Son of a Bitch!"

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.

While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip.

"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!"

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!"

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is, a Son of a Bitch fish!"

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?"

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in.

"What are you doing Sister?"

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishop's Dinner."

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!"

"No, no, no, it's called a Son of a Bitch Fish."

"Really? Well in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a Bitch can be the main course!"

"Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch."

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. The Friar had prepared an excellent meal.

The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?"

"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest.

"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch using a special recipe!"

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.

A big smile crept across his face as he said,

"You F...ers are my kind of people!"

On the ward round today I discovered the best cure for a chronic cough.

Laxatives, the patient is too afraid to cough.

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica . They were

touring around the market-place looking at the good and

such, when they passed a small sandal shop.

From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican

accent say, ‘You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.'

So the married couple walked in.The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.'

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals

after what theman claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them,being the Sex God that he was.

The husband asked the man,'How could sandals make you a sex freak?'

The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.'

Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife,

finally gave in and tried them on.

As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild

look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican,

bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs.

The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'

Very good Rods , the missus loved it , keep m coming

THE BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER

MY DEAR HUSBAND, I'm writing this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you. I've been a good wife to you for the last 20 years and I have nothing to show for it, and the last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you left your job today which was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and you didn't even notice I had a new hairstyle, had cooked your favourite meal and even wore a brand new nightie. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching your TV soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case, I'm gone.

Regards, Your EX-Wife.

PS. Don't try to find me. Your BROTHER and I are moving to away together! Have a great life!

DEAR EX-WIFE, Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you and I have been married for 20 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch TV soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and bitching. Too bad that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair do last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was "You look just like a guy!" Since my father raised me not to say anything, if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have got me confused with MY BROTHER because I haven't eaten pork for 7 years.

About the new nightie: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on it, and I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I won the 20 million dollar Lotto, on Saturday, I left my job and bought 2 tickets for us to Jamaica, but when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dollar from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my brother Carl was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

lol