More short bad jokes

Make us laugh or cry out loud with your wicked wit.
Kp NT
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More short bad jokes

Post by Kp NT »

Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the p..s out the underpants.

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When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.

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What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.


Sorry about those but I couldn't resist, bad jokes are the best because they are so bad :rofl:


I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
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seano
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by seano »

Whats red and bad for your teeth?
........a brick.
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seano
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by seano »

Ask me if Im an orange.
Kp NT
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Kp NT »

Are you an orange?
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
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seano
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by seano »

No :P
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itsinmeblood
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by itsinmeblood »

:rofl:
fish are skinny, the ocean is fat
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Mclaren »

It's a slow day today, thought i'd add some more

Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter

Saw this the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realised that what he was reading was impossible!!!


I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny.

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
That'll teach'm to be dropouts!
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************

And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Did I read that right?
***************************************************
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by nomad »

Whast the difference between light and hard?





you can go to sleep with a light on
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Kp NT »

What's large grey and doesn't matter?........ An irrelephant.

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What's Forrest Gump's email password?......... 1forest1
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What did the perverted frog say?.......... Rubbit
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Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge....... Tequila
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A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him,
"You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies,
"Because I'm trying to examine you"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Trier »

I think Matt might need to moderate bad jokes.....
Cheers,

Ash
-----------------

If it doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer and hit it harder!

'You can't have mudcrabs without mud'. My son John
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Yummygarfish »

seano wrote:Whats red and bad for your teeth?
........a brick.
:D Just found my new favourite joke.
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by BarraMick »

What smells funny?

clown poop.
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by sarrge »

Last night when I reached for my liquid Viagra I accidentally swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper.

I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
I used to have a handle on life.......then it broke.
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Kp NT »

What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into a tire and call it a goodyear.


One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
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olfart
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by olfart »

1...Whats the difference between an elephants arse and a mail box????
" YOUTH is a GIFT "
"AGE is an ART "
"Doesn't mean you get any smarter..just wrinkled and cracked".

"No angler watches nature in a passive way...He enters into its very existence." (John Bailey...Reflections on a Waters Edge)

"Govern a Family as you would catch a small fish....Very Gently." (Chinese Proverb)

"Only those become weary of angling who bring nothing to it but the idea of catching fish." (Rafael Sabatini...1857-1950)

I pray that one day God sends me a fish so big that, when talking of it...I have no reason to lie.
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