North Australian FISH FINDER TM forums

I was very depressed this week. So depressesd I called a suicide hotline. I was transferred to a Pakistani call centre. They got very excited when I told them i was feeling suicidal. They said "can you drive a truck....."

The missus left a note on the fridge saying

"It's no good, it's not working, I'm staying at mums for a while"

I opened it, light came on and the beer was well chilled, F@&k knows what she was on about ?

Q: what do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail?
A: A small medium at large

This beautiful chick is hanging on the side of the bridge looking to jump off and kill herself , the cops, clergy and press are gathered around trying to talk her out of jumping.

The roads blocked when this big burly covered in tatts bikie rolls up and tries to get through the blockade. He kicks out the side stand on the bike, suanters under the police tape and confronts the potential suicide victim .

You're really good looking and I'd like to show you off on the back of my hog and with that he clutches her in a long embrace and kisses her long and deep. When he rises for breath he asks, why is such a good lookin chick like you trying to end your life?

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Cause my parents can't handle me living as a girl, was the reply!







To this day know one know if she jumped or weas pushed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Q. Why are the portholes on ships always round?
A. Just in case one is left open the water won't come in and hit you square in the face.

A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says "hey, we have a drink named after you"

the grasshopper said "What, Kevin?"

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Mummy, why is England called a Kingdom?"

"Because it was ruled by a King."

"Oh... so that's why Australia is called a Country!"

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door.

Then an MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND NAPPIES NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

Mclaren wrote:BOTH POLITICIANS AND NAPPIES NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

After having sex in the dark for the last 25 years, a wife finds out her husband has been using a dildo all this time!

she said - explain the dildo you pr..k!

he replied











only after you explain the kids

This one is going to hurt, you'll have to think about it


Teacher asks class to put the word contagious in a sentence.

Ron says, "The measles are contagious".

Katie says, "There is a bug going round and it's contagious"
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Little Johnny says, "My neighbour's painting his house with a 2 inch brush and Dad says it will take the contagious!!"

What our older generation have to put up with from failing eyes.

On our last fishing trip, the others went out for a early fish while I slept in. On waking up, I decided to do a jigsaw puzzle waiting for their return.

An hour later they were all standing around watching me.

"What are looking you lot at?" I asked.

"Nothing" was the reply.

"We're a bit hungry. Can we have our corn flakes back when you're finished?"

Johnny climbs onto Santa’s lap at the department store. Santa says, "I’ll bet I know what you want for Christmas." And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S."

The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa tries again, tapping Johnny’s nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again, Johnny says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well, what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.

Johnny replies, tapping Santa on the nose, "P-U-S-S-Y. And don’t tell me you don’t have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie" The first man asks "Can i make a wish? " Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing" "Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt He?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC"