More short bad jokes

Make us laugh or cry out loud with your wicked wit.
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seano
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by seano »

sometimes I put my hands on the ground ,tuck my chin against my chest and lean forward.................cos thats how I roll.


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Mclaren
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Mclaren »

olfart wrote:1...Whats the difference between an elephants arse and a mail box????
OK I'll bite, what is the difference between an elephants arse and a mail box??
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olfart
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by olfart »

You certainly won't be posting th mail out.... :rofl:
" YOUTH is a GIFT "
"AGE is an ART "
"Doesn't mean you get any smarter..just wrinkled and cracked".

"No angler watches nature in a passive way...He enters into its very existence." (John Bailey...Reflections on a Waters Edge)

"Govern a Family as you would catch a small fish....Very Gently." (Chinese Proverb)

"Only those become weary of angling who bring nothing to it but the idea of catching fish." (Rafael Sabatini...1857-1950)

I pray that one day God sends me a fish so big that, when talking of it...I have no reason to lie.
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Pete62 »

What did the cannibal say after he ate the Clown?

"That tasted funny"

Pete
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Mud
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Mud »

My brother has a zoo

Its only got one dog in it

Its a shitzu
Its not a crisis unless there is blood around.
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Kp NT »

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
I didn't do it on porpoise.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Kp NT »

Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.

The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.

"Yeah," the string says.

"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.

"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Kp NT »

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."

"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
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sarrge
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by sarrge »

An Aussie bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says,

"You remind me of my little toe"

She replies, "What?... You Mean because I’m small and cute?"

He says "No. I mean because I`ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk"
I used to have a handle on life.......then it broke.
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seano
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by seano »

This is a true story- I was around my mates place having a drink , and his canadian missus is there- he says to me- 'you know why foriegn chicks like aussie blokes so much?' I shrug and he says ,'because we have big cocks and we're funny!' his girlfriend gives him a look and he says' Oh well we're funny...." :bricks:
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Mud
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Mud »

.....yeah just to clarify....I'm not the mate Seano is talking about.
Its not a crisis unless there is blood around.
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
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sarrge
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by sarrge »

No, cos Cobie says you're not funny....either
I used to have a handle on life.......then it broke.
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Trier »

Nice one Sarrge!!!! :lolpoint: 8) :rofl: :rofl:

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Cheers,

Ash
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Mclaren »

This post is going to go on forever :clap:

1. A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Oz just so that they can see their own doctor.

2. I got sacked from my job as a Bingo caller. Apparently, " A meal for two with a hairy view", is not the way to call No 69.

3. I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

4. Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them - they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and, to my horror, we had six matching balls!



Aren't statistics wonderful ?

Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. 700,00

(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year - 120,000

(C) Accidental deaths per physician - .171%

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.

Now think about this:

Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188 %

Statistics courtesy of FBI

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.' :lol: :lol: :lol:

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,

BUT

Almost everyone has at least one doctor. This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner !

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.

We must ban doctors, before this gets completely out of hand !

Out of concern for the public at large, We withheld the statistics on .... Lawyers !

For fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention! 8) 8) 8) 8)
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Mud
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Re: More short bad jokes

Post by Mud »

No, cos Cobie says you're not funny....either
...what the??......I can hear you you know!.........

What do seamonsters eat?

Fish n' Ships

Aaaaaaaaaaah Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Get it? Fish n'......n' Ships.....like......

yeah never mind
Its not a crisis unless there is blood around.
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
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