More short bad jokes
- seano
- Jedi Seadog
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Re: More short bad jokes
sometimes I put my hands on the ground ,tuck my chin against my chest and lean forward.................cos thats how I roll.
- Mclaren
- Platinum Member
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- Location: Adelaide SA
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Re: More short bad jokes
OK I'll bite, what is the difference between an elephants arse and a mail box??olfart wrote:1...Whats the difference between an elephants arse and a mail box????
- olfart
- Jedi Seadog
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Re: More short bad jokes
You certainly won't be posting th mail out....
" YOUTH is a GIFT "
"AGE is an ART ""Doesn't mean you get any smarter..just wrinkled and cracked".
"No angler watches nature in a passive way...He enters into its very existence." (John Bailey...Reflections on a Waters Edge)
"Govern a Family as you would catch a small fish....Very Gently." (Chinese Proverb)
"Only those become weary of angling who bring nothing to it but the idea of catching fish." (Rafael Sabatini...1857-1950)
I pray that one day God sends me a fish so big that, when talking of it...I have no reason to lie.
"AGE is an ART ""Doesn't mean you get any smarter..just wrinkled and cracked".
"No angler watches nature in a passive way...He enters into its very existence." (John Bailey...Reflections on a Waters Edge)
"Govern a Family as you would catch a small fish....Very Gently." (Chinese Proverb)
"Only those become weary of angling who bring nothing to it but the idea of catching fish." (Rafael Sabatini...1857-1950)
I pray that one day God sends me a fish so big that, when talking of it...I have no reason to lie.
-
- Bronze Member
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2012 1:11 pm
Re: More short bad jokes
What did the cannibal say after he ate the Clown?
"That tasted funny"
Pete
"That tasted funny"
Pete
- Mud
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 3596
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Re: More short bad jokes
My brother has a zoo
Its only got one dog in it
Its a shitzu
Its only got one dog in it
Its a shitzu
Its not a crisis unless there is blood around.
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
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- Seadog
- Posts: 253
- Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:12 pm
- Location: Gove
Re: More short bad jokes
What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?
I didn't do it on porpoise.
I didn't do it on porpoise.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
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- Seadog
- Posts: 253
- Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:12 pm
- Location: Gove
Re: More short bad jokes
Two strings walk into a bar. The first tries to order something. "I don't serve strings in this bar," the bartender says roughly and throws him out.
The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.
"Yeah," the string says.
"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.
"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.
The second ruffs himself up, ties his ends together, walks in, and orders. "Hey, didn't you hear what I told your buddy?" the bartender says.
"Yeah," the string says.
"Aren't you a string?" the bartender says.
"I'm a frayed knot," the string replies.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
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- Seadog
- Posts: 253
- Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:12 pm
- Location: Gove
Re: More short bad jokes
A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say, "Nice tie!" Looking around he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender. A few sips later the voice said, "Beautiful shirt." At this, the man called the bartender over. "Hey, I must be losing my mind," he told the bartender. "I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there's not a soul in here but us."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."
"It's the peanuts," answered the bartender. "They're complimentary."
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
- sarrge
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 5:23 pm
- Location: Millner
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Re: More short bad jokes
An Aussie bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says,
"You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What?... You Mean because I’m small and cute?"
He says "No. I mean because I`ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk"
"You remind me of my little toe"
She replies, "What?... You Mean because I’m small and cute?"
He says "No. I mean because I`ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk"
I used to have a handle on life.......then it broke.
- seano
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 2322
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2009 1:37 pm
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Re: More short bad jokes
This is a true story- I was around my mates place having a drink , and his canadian missus is there- he says to me- 'you know why foriegn chicks like aussie blokes so much?' I shrug and he says ,'because we have big cocks and we're funny!' his girlfriend gives him a look and he says' Oh well we're funny...."
- Mud
- Jedi Seadog
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- Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2009 3:47 pm
- Location: Darwin
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Re: More short bad jokes
.....yeah just to clarify....I'm not the mate Seano is talking about.
Its not a crisis unless there is blood around.
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
- sarrge
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 897
- Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 5:23 pm
- Location: Millner
- Contact:
Re: More short bad jokes
No, cos Cobie says you're not funny....either
I used to have a handle on life.......then it broke.
-
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 1014
- Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:35 pm
- Location: Nakara
Re: More short bad jokes
Nice one Sarrge!!!!
Platinum.
Platinum.
Cheers,
Ash
-----------------
If it doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer and hit it harder!
'You can't have mudcrabs without mud'. My son John
Ash
-----------------
If it doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer and hit it harder!
'You can't have mudcrabs without mud'. My son John
- Mclaren
- Platinum Member
- Posts: 116
- Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:51 pm
- Location: Adelaide SA
- Contact:
Re: More short bad jokes
This post is going to go on forever
1. A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Oz just so that they can see their own doctor.
2. I got sacked from my job as a Bingo caller. Apparently, " A meal for two with a hairy view", is not the way to call No 69.
3. I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
4. Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them - they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and, to my horror, we had six matching balls!
Aren't statistics wonderful ?
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. 700,00
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year - 120,000
(C) Accidental deaths per physician - .171%
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188 %
Statistics courtesy of FBI
So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor. This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner !
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors, before this gets completely out of hand !
Out of concern for the public at large, We withheld the statistics on .... Lawyers !
For fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention!
1. A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Oz just so that they can see their own doctor.
2. I got sacked from my job as a Bingo caller. Apparently, " A meal for two with a hairy view", is not the way to call No 69.
3. I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
4. Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them - they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and, to my horror, we had six matching balls!
Aren't statistics wonderful ?
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. 700,00
(B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year - 120,000
(C) Accidental deaths per physician - .171%
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services.
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188 %
Statistics courtesy of FBI
So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor. This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner !
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors, before this gets completely out of hand !
Out of concern for the public at large, We withheld the statistics on .... Lawyers !
For fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention!
- Mud
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 3596
- Joined: Fri Apr 03, 2009 3:47 pm
- Location: Darwin
- Contact:
Re: More short bad jokes
...what the??......I can hear you you know!.........No, cos Cobie says you're not funny....either
What do seamonsters eat?
Fish n' Ships
Aaaaaaaaaaah Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Get it? Fish n'......n' Ships.....like......
yeah never mind
Its not a crisis unless there is blood around.
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
If there is blood around......well its a police matter...
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