Bloke belting down the Stuart Highway in a souped up speed machine, says to his mate lets see how fast this thing will go.
130, 140, looks in the mirror and see a cop car and there are blue lights flashing everywhere, so he goes faster 150, 180, 210klm hr finally they put out the road spikes and pull him over, has the booze test, comes up clear, has the drug test & comes up clear.
The copper, who's pretty p.ssed off, says to him, mate .......... whats your excuse for the speeding, I've heard them all, and it would heve to be a good one to let you off this one.
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He replies - Mate 3 weeks ago my missus ran off with a copper ----------- I thought it was you & you were bringing her back --boom boom
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle
please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The first officer is stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
