This is how I did it.....


Dear Dr ********,

I understand that you are organising the roster for this year. As you may be aware I have been living in Darwin for around ten years now. This explains how I have become involved with a group of people probably best described as the ‘Church of Barratology’, it has nothing to do with the Church of Scientology.

Being part of this group requires observance of certain pilgrimages usually based around the seasons and moon phases. Devout pilgrims are usually carried in specially designed vessels and a pilgrimage can take anywhere from 4 to 48hrs or even longer to complete.

The conditions are often very difficult, it is very hot, with little space, hardly any food and rough seas. We are required to drink a special fermented liquid, soapy and bitterly tasting it is barely palatable when cold, occasionally it has to be consumed warm. Apparently it is a poison and if you consume too much it can kill you.

Barratology has a huge following up here in the territory, with high rates of vessel ownership and many pilgrims. Every year there are gatherings of the most devout practitioners of our faith. These events are commonly known as the Barra Classic, The Barra Nationals and the Top End ... These great events are usually invitation only.

I have been selected to attend the Top End ... This is a prestigious competition involving 6 separate gatherings of the finest Barratologists, whom are characterised by the chiselled features and distinct beard profiles.

As these pilgrimages are high arduous and extremely dangerous (risk of crocodile, buffalo, snake or wild boar attack), it would advisable to have a medical practitioner present. I will be fulfilling this role and that of a competitor.

As such I respectfully request not to be rostered on for the following dates. I can put in leave applications for these dates if it helps.

ROUND 1: Daly River Run Off: Saturday 3rd March and Sunday 4th March
ROUND 2: Shady Camp (including Mary River Bridge Lagoon) Saturday March 31st and Sunday April 1st
ROUND 3: Daly River: Saturday 16th June and Sunday 17th June
ROUND 4: Adelaide River Mouth: Saturday 25th August and Sunday 26th August
ROUND 5: Darwin Harbour: Saturday 15th September and Sunday September 16th
ROUND 6: Corroboree and Rockhole: Saturday October 13th and Sunday October 14th

There are many barratologists on staff at the hospital, some more proficient than others, if you would like to come and see what it’s all about let me know and I will organise a pilgrimage.

Yours Sincerely
Brent Matthews

very good mate, very funny.

any boss would have a hard time saying no that.

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Sorry mate no weekends for your mob in there now. The refurbished fast track ( who comes up with these poop) will be handed over to you guys wed, now get to work.

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Hard to argue against religious holiday observances.

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