More short bad jokes
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- Seadog
- Posts: 253
- Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:12 pm
- Location: Gove
More short bad jokes
Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the p..s out the underpants.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Sorry about those but I couldn't resist, bad jokes are the best because they are so bad
Because it was taking the p..s out the underpants.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a driveway.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.
Sorry about those but I couldn't resist, bad jokes are the best because they are so bad
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
- seano
- Jedi Seadog
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- Location: The Territory
- Contact:
Re: More short bad jokes
Whats red and bad for your teeth?
........a brick.
........a brick.
- seano
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 2322
- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2009 1:37 pm
- Location: The Territory
- Contact:
Re: More short bad jokes
Ask me if Im an orange.
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- Seadog
- Posts: 253
- Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:12 pm
- Location: Gove
Re: More short bad jokes
Are you an orange?
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
- seano
- Jedi Seadog
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- Joined: Sat Aug 22, 2009 1:37 pm
- Location: The Territory
- Contact:
- itsinmeblood
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 1522
- Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2008 11:24 am
Re: More short bad jokes
fish are skinny, the ocean is fat
- Mclaren
- Platinum Member
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- Joined: Wed Feb 17, 2010 8:51 pm
- Location: Adelaide SA
- Contact:
Re: More short bad jokes
It's a slow day today, thought i'd add some more
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Saw this the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realised that what he was reading was impossible!!!
I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
That'll teach'm to be dropouts!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
***************************************************
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
Saw this the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realised that what he was reading was impossible!!!
I just couldn't help but send this along. Too funny.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really? Ya think?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------
War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
----------------------------------------------------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
----------------------------------------------------------------
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
----------------------------------------------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
----------------------------------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
-----------------------------------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
---------------- ---------------------------------
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
That'll teach'm to be dropouts!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
*******************************************
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
***************************************************
-
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 5766
- Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:29 pm
- Location: PALMERSTON
- Contact:
Re: More short bad jokes
Whast the difference between light and hard?
you can go to sleep with a light on
you can go to sleep with a light on
-
- Seadog
- Posts: 253
- Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:12 pm
- Location: Gove
Re: More short bad jokes
What's large grey and doesn't matter?........ An irrelephant.
------------—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's Forrest Gump's email password?......... 1forest1
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the perverted frog say?.......... Rubbit
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge....... Tequila
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him,
"You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies,
"Because I'm trying to examine you"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's Forrest Gump's email password?......... 1forest1
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did the perverted frog say?.......... Rubbit
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did the Mexican throw his wife off a bridge....... Tequila
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him,
"You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies,
"Because I'm trying to examine you"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A friend of mine died recently after drinking a gallon of varnish.
It was a horrible end, but a lovely finish.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
-
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 1014
- Joined: Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:35 pm
- Location: Nakara
Re: More short bad jokes
I think Matt might need to moderate bad jokes.....
Cheers,
Ash
-----------------
If it doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer and hit it harder!
'You can't have mudcrabs without mud'. My son John
Ash
-----------------
If it doesn't fit, get a bigger hammer and hit it harder!
'You can't have mudcrabs without mud'. My son John
-
- Gold Member
- Posts: 67
- Joined: Mon Sep 12, 2011 10:05 pm
Re: More short bad jokes
Just found my new favourite joke.seano wrote:Whats red and bad for your teeth?
........a brick.
-
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 671
- Joined: Mon Feb 21, 2011 3:18 pm
Re: More short bad jokes
What smells funny?
clown poop.
clown poop.
- sarrge
- Jedi Seadog
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- Location: Millner
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Re: More short bad jokes
Last night when I reached for my liquid Viagra I accidentally swigged from a bottle of Liquid Paper.
I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
I woke up this morning with a huge correction.
I used to have a handle on life.......then it broke.
-
- Seadog
- Posts: 253
- Joined: Sun Jul 08, 2012 4:12 pm
- Location: Gove
Re: More short bad jokes
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
Melt them, turn them into a tire and call it a goodyear.
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
Melt them, turn them into a tire and call it a goodyear.
One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."
If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off?
I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
"If you want to maintain a sustainable supply of fish you have to farm the fish, rather than mine them. So putting your money into fishing fleets that are going to exacerbate the problem by over-fishing is not the way to preserve the underlying asset."
Maurice Strong
- olfart
- Jedi Seadog
- Posts: 1940
- Joined: Fri Jul 01, 2011 2:38 pm
- Location: Woodroffe NT
Re: More short bad jokes
1...Whats the difference between an elephants arse and a mail box????
" YOUTH is a GIFT "
"AGE is an ART ""Doesn't mean you get any smarter..just wrinkled and cracked".
"No angler watches nature in a passive way...He enters into its very existence." (John Bailey...Reflections on a Waters Edge)
"Govern a Family as you would catch a small fish....Very Gently." (Chinese Proverb)
"Only those become weary of angling who bring nothing to it but the idea of catching fish." (Rafael Sabatini...1857-1950)
I pray that one day God sends me a fish so big that, when talking of it...I have no reason to lie.
"AGE is an ART ""Doesn't mean you get any smarter..just wrinkled and cracked".
"No angler watches nature in a passive way...He enters into its very existence." (John Bailey...Reflections on a Waters Edge)
"Govern a Family as you would catch a small fish....Very Gently." (Chinese Proverb)
"Only those become weary of angling who bring nothing to it but the idea of catching fish." (Rafael Sabatini...1857-1950)
I pray that one day God sends me a fish so big that, when talking of it...I have no reason to lie.
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